Angry Letter to My Computer

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Dear HP computer,

I’ve had you for five years now. It doesn’t seem that long, but it has been.

You’ve become a huge party of my life. I use you for my work and writing.

Yet, despite the good times, there are moments when you can be a pain in the butt.

I don’t like it when you run as slow as molasses. Time is of the essence when I’m working. I can’t have you taking your sweet time when I need to turn a task in.

I also don’t like it when you freeze up. Every time the screen freezes up, I feel my blood pressure rising. I haven’t had the best of luck with computers in the past. Whenever I see the screen freeze up, I think to myself this is going to be the end. All my documents and pictures will be lost.

Then all of a sudden things go back to normal and I curse you for scaring me.

But last, but not least. I don’t like how I’m in the middle of writing a great scene and you decide to install updates. You know the ones that take about an hour, during which I’m preoccupying myself while waiting for the update to finish.

It’s moments like these where I want to smack you. There are times when I dream of throwing you out the window or taking a baseball bat to you. Then I realize if I do that, then I won’t have any way to work.

So instead of beating up on you, I’ve decided to give you another chance. Please I beg of you, be on your best behavior while I’m working. No more interruptions or problems.

If so, I think it may be time to trade you in on another model.

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